Chinese Whispers
by ellymelly
Summary: They just seem to get you into trouble...


**Title: Chinese Whispers**

**By: Ellymelly**

**List under: Mcweir**

**Disclaimer: Nothing – I don't even own a microbe living on Mckay's desk.**

**Spoilers: Um, possibly Duet - but only really, really minor. **

_Okay, this is the first story I've put on please enjoy!_

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"So," Elizabeth did her absolute best to recall correctly the extensive dialogue Sheppard had just given her, "what you're saying is; Zelenka told Wills, who told Burk who hinted to Morse who suggested to Siler who let slip to Carter who passed it on to Lieutenant Reynolds who then accidentally told Ford who told you that –" she paused for effect, making absolutely sure she was getting it right, "that, _Mckay_," again she found herself pointing to the frustrated scientist over by the consol to make sure that they were talking about the same Mckay, "_that_ Mckay," Sheppard nodded, "has a crush on Cadman."

"Well," Sheppard clocked his head to the side a little, "actually, Ford told _Teyla_ who told Carson who told me."

"Right." She folded her arms in amusement, "A crush eh?"

"I thought Cadman creeped him out way too much for that to happen." Elizabeth's mouth fended off a broad smile.

"This is Mckay we're talking about. As if one Kirk wasn't enough. Keep and eye on him." Sheppard knew better than to ask who the other one was.

"Why?"

"We can't have our head scientist lying in a ditch because the girl he had a crush on didn't agree."

"Right." Sheppard grinned watching Mckay freak out as another incompetent technician pawed over the consol then move into his defensive stance as Cadman entered. "Make sure she doesn't kill him, got it."

"_Di' you hear?"_

"_Hear what?"_

"'_bout Rodney an' Cadman."_

"_Carson, I was there for the whole time it happened, of course I heard."_

"_No, abou' Rodney havin' a crush on Cadman."_

"_What? No…"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Mckay's afraid of the woman for heaven's sake, who told you?"_

"_Teyla."_

"_Really? That's interesting…"_

"Mckay!" Cadman yelled at Rodney who had put as much distance between himself and her as possible. "Get over here and fix this!" Realising his hiding spot at the corner of the room had been compromised, Rodney reluctantly made his way over to the party of military personnel assembled in the corner. The ring leader, of course, being Cadman.

"What now?" he sighed, sick of remedial tasks from lower order creatures. Cadman pointed at the Atlantian sensor on the wall.

"It keeps saying that Lieutenant Hopkins is an Ancient, I'm a Goa'uld and Smith over there is a computer program." Mckay grinned wickedly. "What? Do you think that it's funny that the sensor designed to warn us of hostiles in the city is malfunctioning?"

"No, I just think it's wonderful to finally have one piece of equipment working to its full potential." _Simmens, he thought, it had to be him._ Cadman, did not seem to share Rodney's delight.

"Mckay!"

"Mmm?"

"FIX IT!"

"Yes, my Lord." Rodney bowed as best he could whilst killing himself laughing.

"_Hey, wait up." Teyla turned as Ford sprinted down the corridor towards her, still in his full uniform from check in with Earth._

"_Aden, I see you have returned from Earth, was your visit pleasant?"_

"_What? Uh – yeah." Clearing Ford's mind had been engaged elsewhere since his short lived visit, "Hey! Did you hear?" Teyla looked at him curiously._

"_I have heard many things, to what are you referring?"_

"_About Mckay?"_

"_I heard Zelenka 'accidentally' spilt coffee over him when he returned from the planet with all the children." Ford laughed._

"_Really? But that's nothing to what I heard." Ford lowered the tone of his voice, as was the custom when discussing dangerous topics. "I heard from Reynolds that Mckay has a crush, wait wait, it's good – on Cadman!"_

"_I think that highly unlikely."_

"_No, apparently, I don't know, maybe it had something to do with her being in his head and all, anyway he let slip to someone."_

That day, Elizabeth took to a little stalking to cure her over active curiosity. It's not that she found it hard to imagine Rodney having a crush on anyone – quite the contrary, it's just that Rodney always seemed to be a little _afraid_ really, of Cadman. She could only imagine the kind of information she held against him, so it shouldn't have come as any surprise that as she rounded the corner she was met with the sight of Rodney bowing to Cadman in front of a group of officers. _Really good information,_ thought Elizabeth secretly.

Cadman's expression went from fuming to cheerful as she spotted Elizabeth at the doorway watching the spectacle of Rodney bowing. When Rodney finally realized why Cadman was absorbed in laughter it was too late, the damage to his ego was irreparable.

"Rodney?" Mckay righted himself quicker than a bolt of lightning.

"Yes 'lizabeth?"

"Whatcha' doing?"

_Carter let another wave of laughter take control over her, muttering between gasps, "poor, poor Rodney!"_

"_Colonel?" She nearly fell off her chair in shock as Reynolds returned from the control room._

"_Reynolds! I – ah, didn't hear you come in."_

"_I'm not surprised. May I ask?" he inquired as to what infectious joke had possessed his superior officer._

"_Oh," she tried to take control over herself. Um," figuring he probably didn't know Mckay anyway, it would do no harm. Unfortunately, for Rodney at least, due to Carter's state, the story didn't come out exactly as it had been told to her. Through her gasps, all Reynolds could make out were the words, 'Mckay. Cadman. Crush.'_

"Stupid, disagreeable, ego devouring –" Rodney continued to mumble insults as he stalked down the corridor.

"Talking about yourself again?" He couldn't believe it, he absolutely could not.

"Cadman…" Cadman, who had been gradually catching up with him, now passed him casually.

"Afternoon Rodney." She smiled sweetly, knowing how it would send frustration pulsing through his veins. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to reply civilly.

"Afternoon Cadman."

Sheppard, who happened to be emerging from one of the rooms along the corridor, observed this display of affection and couldn't help thinking, _must be love._

_Siler nearly dropped his wrench, stomach heaving with a mixture of snorts and gasps. Carter stopped at the sight, striding over to where Walter and Siler were semi collapsed._

_Carter cleared her throat, the two men doing their best to straighten up. "What's so funny?" she said, narrowing her eyes at them. The pair looked at each other, Siler finally deciding to confess._

"_It's just gossip, mam." Siler wasn't positive, but he could have sworn day was night that he'd seen something darker flicker in Carter's eyes._

"_It's just, you see," began Walter, "Mckay –" he could get it out quick enough; already laughter had locked his mouth open in another gasp._

"_Mckay?"_

"_He ah," Siler steadied himself with a deep breath before blurting it out. Immediately Carter dropped her clipboard and fell into hysterics, Walter, regaining enough composure to say, "And I thought it was Cadman!" The latter receiving even more desperate pleas for air._

Mckay had retreated to his office, desperate to avoid the hushed laughter that seemed to inhabit the city of late. Knowing that somehow he'd been left out of the plague-like joke, each muffled giggle simply annoyed him. If he wasn't so terrified of running into Cadman, he might just have gone out to discover it and join in. As it was though, he celebrated his brilliant idea of locking himself in his lab.

His peace, as good as it was, was short lived a rap at the door forcing him out of his sanctuary. What he really wanted to do was ignore it, but if it was Zelenka after something, he didn't want to put him in a bad mood, especially considering that – "Elizabeth!"

She leant cautiously into the room to make sure it was empty before waving at Mckay. "Hi – I'm not, uh," she cautioned another glance, making absolutely positive that he didn't have Cadman hiding under a desk, "_disturbing_ you, am I?"

Rodney felt like dying of fright, "Ah, no. Um, not – no."

"Hmm." She stood there, waiting to see if one of the cupboards burst open or someone to emerge from the door at the other end of the room.

Rodney became a little desperate, wondering why she was just standing there in his doorway, peering into his lab. "Uh," he began, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Mmm? No." she continued to linger in the doorway, Rodney shifted nervously. "You know," she finally said, "if someone likes someone, it's probably a good idea to tell them – that is, before they hear it from someone else." Rodney stopped breathing, did she know? It seemed very much like she knew! Zelenka must have – but Rodney only remembered being especially nice to Zelenka after he said he would – he wouldn't have, surely it's just coincidence… Rodney wasn't sure what to do.

Elizabeth, feeling that it was only fair she warn Rodney before Cadman found out, felt that she had done her duty – still, she wasn't yet entirely convinced that he wasn't harboring her somewhere in there…

Rodney felt an odd surge of courage. "Elizabeth," he managed, "I – Cadman!"

"Hello Rodney." Cadman appeared behind Elizabeth who raised her eyebrows several feet, "Can I have a word?"

"Uh –" he looked worriedly at Elizabeth who merely grinned.

"It's alright Rodney, I'm satisfied." _Satisfied? _What did that mean wondered Rodney frantically. As she left, the smirk on Cadman's face escaped his notice.

_Despite the alarm sounding across the base, Morse continued to whisper, building up to the climax of his great gossip. Siler listened intently._

"_But," protested Siler, the news too good to believe, "how does he know for sure?"_

"How's the Mckay watch going?" inquired Elizabeth as Sheppard entered the mess.

"Well, she hasn't killed him yet – but then again, maybe he hasn't told her yet."

"You know," said Elizabeth devilishly, "When I was walking down the corridor I saw him actually _bow_ to her!"

"No!"

"Yes! And then, when I went to his lab, she showed up."

"When I was out today, I saw them together in the corridor, actually smiling – I haven't seen Mckay smile at her for a long time!" They congratulated themselves on successful stalking, each believing that neither was the wiser. This was, at least, true of Mckay – Cadman – maybe it was something about being military trained, had noticed.

"Rodney." Cadman, still standing outside the door of his lab. "We need to talk." Begrudgingly, he moved aside to let her in.

_Burk and Morse stood in, what they had come to name affectionately, 'The Foyer' waiting for the wormhole to engage. _

"_Typing it?" repeated Morse, "You mean he was actually 'typing' her name?"_

"_That's what he said!"_

"Oh no no no no…." Mckay shook his head frantically before glancing back over to Cadman. "That's what they think?"

"Afraid so."

"But –" he looked at Cadman, "_how?_"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

_Wills roamed the corridors of Atlantis, looking for any signs of life. A few minutes later, he spotted the stunted appearance of Burk lurking in his lab._

"So, let me get this straight," said Rodney to Cadman, "they think that we're – um." He couldn't bring himself to continue.

"No." she said bluntly, honestly enjoying the situation more than she should, "They said that you have –"

"Rodney." Mckay all but jumped. He tapped his headset in fright.

"'Lizabeth."

"Can you meet me in my office?"

"Um," he gulped, "ok."

_Zelenka hit his screen for the hundredth time that day. He paused, trying to keep his temper down before confronting the scientist next to him. "Rodney?"_

"_Yes Zelenka." Replied Mckay, as happy as anything._

"_If I," he started, temper rising with every word, "have to delete Elizabeth's name one more time from this program!" Rodney shot a frightened look at Zelenka who was in the middle of backspacing. "I'm going to tell Wills!" Rodney gulped._

"_But – but Wills 'll tell –"_

"_Everyone." Muttered the Czech darkly._

He stood in Dr. Weir's office; she was behind her desk, calmly flicking through the last of the folders piled to one side. Rodney was positive that by now she knew that it wasn't Cadman that he had a crush on – what was making him feel like jumping off the balcony was that she might actually know the truth.

"Rodney?"

"Uh – yes?" he stuttered. She looked up, placing the last folder on the pile.

"Is it true you have a crush on Lieutenant Cadman?" he was quite taken aback by the frankness of the statement, leaving him to stumble over his words – terrified that the next statement, produced with all the bluntness of the first, would be, _do you have a crush on me?_ At which point, he would of course faint – no, he corrected himself, pass out.

"Um, no."

"You sure?"

"Yes – ah – ah, quite sure." she observed him closely. After a minute or so, she seemed satisfied.

"That's a relief."

"It is?" he remarked, a little confused, perhaps a tad hopeful.

"John and I have been tailing you two all week."

"You have!"

"To make sure she didn't kill you."

"Really?" that was possibly the most unusual thing he had ever heard her confess to.

"Mmm. Anyway, now I can go back to just worrying about the usual people threatening to kill you." Rodney gulped again, shooting paranoid glances at the people outside. "Anyway, now that you're here, I was wondering if you'd heard –"


End file.
